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Gold digger or Pro Dater

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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby Catfish » Thu Feb 19, 2015 2:44 am

You are right, Slaphappy, I have been depressed and hurt over this for two years even after trying to befriend her I coundnt go along with all the bull shit and I have lost somebody I was very close to and cared about. I gave him the choice between her and me and I tried to work through it but he was infatuated and deeply in love with her and took it out on me. I was not as perfect and wonderful as her because she was a model and he didn't t even care she was at least ten years older than him and lives thousands of miles away she made him promises and always said if you were well you could come and live with me and my family and have a farm and horses etc which she sent him pictures of, and her aunt even sent his pictures of the apartment she was getting done up for tem when they got married and he came to Romania. She was going to get him a private studio and an agent so he could publish his music and writing, and I couldn't get him that, she has friends who are famous musicians all over the world and said she would promote his songs to top agents. I tried mt best it was not good enough for him as I am not a model or pop star and can't give him those things. I do not know if he is really delusional or if he really believes the things he was promised by her, it makes no sense she asked for money for driving lessons and the next thing says her agent has a private jet to take him all over the world on tour! I think I'm going nuts.
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby SlapHappy » Thu Feb 19, 2015 3:04 am

After 6 years of talking to this woman, he is severely brainwashed, delusional, and does believe everything.
She dangles the carrot, and puts out her hand for payments for this and that. She only needs to come up with a new lie. It does not matter what it is for at this point, she controls him completely.

Just remember one thing. It is not your fault. Do not beat yourself up over this. Sometimes, even if absolute proof is shown to a victim, many prior victims scammed by the same person, same email address, same phone number, same emails word for word, they will refuse to believe it and keep on going with the scammer until they are totally broke or worse. Sometimes even all of us together, experts in the field, cannot get some victims to break with their scammer.
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
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Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby firefly » Thu Feb 19, 2015 7:27 am

Catfish,

Reading your story it is obvious you are too involved in this entire situation and you need to step back, for your own good.
We have no doubt that your friend is dealing with a Romanian pro-dater. It is no wonder why he is in denial, six years is a long time. No matter what she is telling him, he will believe her, because:
1. He want to believe her.
2. He invested too much already - material and emotional - to stop.
3. She knows him well enough to know exactly which buttons to push.

Romanian pro-daters are a different breed as the similar scammers from the former Soviet Union. They will visit the victim in the victim's location, they will introduce to the victim their "friends" and "family" - trying to strengthen and develop the bond created with the victim. Even if the victim realizes what is happening - usually when the victim is broken and the scammer is dumping him - the victim can not prove anything: it will be his word against her word. She was abusing his trust and she was - and she still is - getting his money, yes... but everything is done with his knowledge. His decision is supported by his family also. You tried to deal with this problem - and all you received were accusations and misunderstanding.

The most important thing you need to understand is that you can not help someone unwilling to help himself. You tried all you can to save your friend. He don't want to be saved and he can not be saved. It is nothing you can do more as you have done already, without damaging yourself.

Stop it, for your own good. Try to leave this behind and build your life for yourself first and just after that - if you are lucky enough - for someone who really deserves your loyalty. You can not live in the past forever. This situation keeps you locked - it is up to you to get out of this mess and to do something for you. No matter how hard it will be, it will be not as bad as it was in all this time you wasted to save someone already lost.
Help yourself by helping others - report your scammer here.
Google can be your best friend;use it if you have doubts about someone met online. If someone met online only asks for money, no matter what reason, it´s 100% scam.
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby Catfish » Thu Feb 19, 2015 1:52 pm

Thank you for your kind replies. I already know my friend is lost he has been a fool and it's shocking he is such an intelligent person. I even wanted to believe tis was true and tried to be friends with her as well. I only hope one day he can finally see through it and learn from it and I sincerely hope this forum can educate other vulnerable young men like him not to get involved with romance scan catfish women for abroad, as it can never turn out happy they are so full of lies and false promises and sweet smiles. :cry:
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Families of scam victims

Unread postby Catfish » Thu Feb 19, 2015 5:32 pm

I wondered about how the families of scam victims deal with life as they are scammed too by association. I have been watching Dr Phil and usually the families are angry and do not go alng with the scam tho I know this is not always the case. Families do suffer because the children lose their inheritance when mom sends her life savings to Ghana and sells her house, but also it ruins freindships and relationships as the victims real friends and family are sucked into a humongous lie, as what happened to me. His older family members were really happy he was getting married to such a beautiful and glamour us woman and they sent her gifits and cards to and were really chuffed he was happy. I think it is a very special kind of scam which involved the family of the victim to communicate with the scammer as well! I don't see this happening vey often with the general Ghana love scams, it is more similar the what happened in the movie Catfish between Nev and Angela where he got in communication with Abby who was a child and Meghan who didn't exist. Fortunately in their case there was no money or expensive gifts changing hand and Angela was just a lonely woman who wanted a friend, not a psychopath like the women from Romania and Thailand. I have never known anything to be so damaginging to a persons family than getting hooked by a catfish, maybe drug abuse, it is a waste of money and the victim not only loses all sense of reality he will do anything to justify his actions saying yes she really loves me and making excuses why she is not coming to live in England till it all spirals out of control. Add to that she is most definitely involved in a criminal gang and would have him murderedif he went to look for her, like what happened to that poor dear Aussie lady who was murdered by her Ghanaian lover! Do any family members on here have stories about how they coped with a loved ones addiction?
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby firefly » Thu Feb 19, 2015 7:59 pm

Catfish,

What you see on Dr. Phil or similar TV productions is only a processed fragment for the public - most of the media does not really care about victims, but they care about their audience and, as long as the story is a horrid one, that story get attention. The general public receives just that part of the story able to determine a reaction - not the entire story. It is so easy to judge when you have no idea what you are talking about... and living by proxy the feelings and the fears of others is fashionable.

Most of the online scams don't have just a single victim involved. The scammers are targeting members of the victim's family and friends all the time, knowing that their support will help the main victim to get sucked deeper into the fantasy the scammer created. Usually, the main victim is talking with family and friends about someone met online just after a while since the contact was established, when the victim is already believing the scammer entirely and mostly because the scammer is the one manipulating the main victim to do it, the ultimate goal being to win credibility to the story used in scam.

If one of the friends of family members of the main victim expresses concern regarding the scammer persona or his story, that friend or family member becomes the enemy and is treated as such. The scammer will have no remorse to split couples or to destroy family bonds as long as he can get what he want from the victim. Some of the scammers will use their own so called family and friends (usually the same scammer or people who are part in the scam) to gain credibility. It is a logical explanation why they do it: after the main victim will be entirely broken, the scammer want to be sure the family and friends will be ready to supply the money the main victim can not provide anymore.
A scam story is ready just when the victim decide to stop it. If the story involves members of the victim's family or friends believing the scammer's sob stories or promises, chances for the main victim to admit the reality and to deal with it are small.

To get out of this trap, the main victim need to realize and to accept the fact he is a victim. If this does not happen, that victim is in denial and he/she will follow that story until it's bitter end. Same thing is happening with his/her family members and friends. For the main scam victim the story may lead to bankruptcy, jail or even suicide. The family members will be the ones paying the ultimate price after the scam story is ending - because they will have debts to pay and their life to rebuilt. It is never easy to recover after such an incident, but it is possible.

Being scammed is like a wound - it needs time to heal and, even after healed, a scar remains as a memory of something changing your life forever, in a way you never asked for. Main victim or collateral victim - you can not start the recovery process without to admit the reality. If you do not want to admit the reality, that reality will return after a while, slapping you in the face and you will be forced anyway to deal with sooner or later, when the price paid for keeping the fantasy alive becomes too high.
Help yourself by helping others - report your scammer here.
Google can be your best friend;use it if you have doubts about someone met online. If someone met online only asks for money, no matter what reason, it´s 100% scam.
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby Catfish » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:16 pm

Thanks again for your replies.
I have been searching the Internet and other forums trying to find information on the pro dater scam and other catfish scams which involve gifts and money etc, but I still haven't found one which corresponds with the type of situation I have witnesses. I think it is very important people are educated about the gold diggers because it is so much different to the 419 scams etc the media seem to dwell on. I also watched a couple of documentaries bout Anastazia dating etc, still this was not anything like what happened. Maybe the scam victims even years after the event are embarrasses and will never speak outso others can learn. The things which are different is the woman actually existed and came to visit him in his own country , I have not seen that before except in the most elaborate 419 scams where they come to England with the promise of being paid money for gold or passing on bad cheques . Is it common for a woman to approach a man on a fan forum rather than a dating site? It seems weird because I see no reason why she was a fan of the particular artist forum she posted on, was she just looking for a bite in England or the U.S.? Also, as I was coerced into being her Facebook frind too there were very odd things she was posting, there were never status updates but there were a lot of photographs that looked like they were taken professionally plus travel pics, often with her sister, but not often with men, but the pictures my friend took with her in the uk were never on her Facebook nor any pictures she took during that visit to England so it seems she was keeping that a secret from her other Facebook friends. He posted a lot of them together and she wouldn't let him tag her in the picture this strikes me as weird. Her other Facebook posts are generally impersonal and I have checked her photos recently, she tends to post pictures of chocolate and shoes, maybe this is a hint fir what she wants her victims to buy for her, all in all, now looking at this from a distance it looks fishy and I wish I had trusted my intuition earlier when I could have maybe had an influence and done something about it. Normal people post status updates about themselves and she doesn't ever do that. She is no longer on the forum that she met my frind on, I know his user name and have searched and can't find any trace of her.
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby Catfish » Sun Feb 22, 2015 9:27 pm

To clarify, I still know about her Facebook as I have a male friend who was embroiled with the scam victim, the Romanian woman blocked me, but not him as I think he was another "target" . It's still the same , chocolate and shoes and lovely pictures of herself, everyday :/
I have left Facebook , purely for my emotional wellbeing :cry:
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby SlapHappy » Sun Feb 22, 2015 11:01 pm

Catfish,

To answer some of your questions:

Romainian prodaters work differently than ukrainian ones, who use "agencies" and "translators."
They do them themselves, with help from their own family, friends. Money, flowers, dates in other countries, even houses to live in etc. are "gifts" to them, and hard to prove otherwise. Unlike the Ukrainian pro-daters, they will hang on until the victim is entirely cleaned out of all money, and they are tenacious in attacking anyone posting their names and profiles online as scammers.

Is it common for a woman to approach a man on a fan forum rather than a dating site?

Yes, it is. Scammers are everywhere online. It is also possible that this one saw another profile of his elsewhere, then approached him on the fan site, where her approach would be more subtle and easier to hook him there.

I wish I had trusted my intuition earlier when I could have maybe had an influence and done something about it.
I'm afraid that even then, you would have had no chance to change his mind about her. I have seen her FB, and looking as gorgeous as that along with the tall stories and promises of fame and riches that he desired which were eluding him, you would have been completely unable to change his mind. Most all men would fall like flies, I'm sorry to say.

can't find any trace of her. I still know about her face book

Scammers will move and delete profiles to remove traces of their activities. We cannot post her FB account here without direct victim proof of being scammed, and you will never ever get him to provide any emails, etc. or any proof that she scammed him.

You need to stop "chasing the scammer." Stay away from her, your friend being scammed, and anyone else involved in it. You are a victim in this too, and putting this behind you and moving forward is your only way to recover from this.
Don't read about Pro-daters at online sites right now, ok? Everything you need to know about them has been answered by firefly and myself already here. If you keep looking you will spin "in the scam" forever, and not recover from it.
It seems like you are trying to second-guess yourself, either to assign blame to yourself for not knowing enough about them or not doing the right thing. Beating your self up this way is not helpful for you. You had zero chance to stop it, regardless of what knowledge you would have gotten online beforehand. There was also nothing online posted that she was a scammer from anyone else, either, so he would dismiss anything you had to say about her.

Spend some more time offline, do some things outside, away from the pc, and any online "scam-related activity" that you do should be about recovery issues, not about the scammers themselves and how to fight them.
We have podcasts with romance scammed victims that would help you for a start.
http://scamsurvivors.com/podcasts/
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Gold digger or Pro Dater

Unread postby Catfish » Mon Feb 23, 2015 12:43 am

I feel a lot of things right now, confusion being the best description. I truly don't know how this happened and why I bought into it went alng with it and even became her Facebook friend as well. I know I was lied to and she said different things to me than she did to him. I would always get called a liar if I said anything about her. I actually live in fear of running in to the person who used to be my friend because he has made me into him enemy simply because I challenged him about this bloody woman. It's humiliating and shameful and impossible to talk reasonably about it without it becoming blame and threats. I think I am the true victim because the "victim" is happy living in his bubble and pretending it's everyone else's fault but not his. I am glad I have found somewhere I can finally talk about this because it is hard not being believed and instead blamed for interfering. The victim has ended up with getting absolutely nothing out of this relationship except being used as an atm machine and made to look stupid, and he has lost his real friends and me who really loved him.
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