recovery and reassurance

[liselore1977]

I will do... I have been so stupid to use the company phone but if I receive another call I will ask to change the number trying to give an excuse.... I feel incredibly stupid

[nanaki626]

Looking for a little reassurance here, I guess. Been a little over two months since I got scammed and everything has been okay. Turned my social media stuff back on a few weeks ago and nothing odd or unusual there (outside of the normal odd things my friends post) and things seem to be okay, but my anxiety has kicked in extra hard over the past few weeks and have found myself lying in bed unable to sleep most nights just worried out of mind that something will still happen from this, just the uncertainty of whether or the scammer bothered to keep or delete the video of me has me just freaking out.
Logically I know this is ridiculous and that I am problem in the clear at this point and I should just move on and no worry about it, but I've found it really hard to just let it go entirely. Anyone have any advice on how to get past this worry or can just tell me that I am freaking myself out over nothing?

[SlapHappy]

Turned my social media stuff back on a few weeks ago

If you did not reuse the same FB you should be okay. If not, make a brand new FB account using a brand new email address. Also, do the same for all your social accounts. Change your phone number. If he cannot easily find you, nothing to worry about.
There are a lot or more important things to worry about, like wearing your seatbelt, not using your cellphone while driving, looking both ways before crossing the street....

[nanaki626]

...I'M SUPPOSED TO LOOK BOTH WAYS!!!! Mind = Blown.

Yeah, changed up my social media stuff, and even before then I was almost impossible to find on there, and was never contacted through them, was through a dating site profile I don't use anymore. I know its just my anxiety rearing up, an issue I had long before this happened, been looking into therapy. Was just looking for some words outside my own to let me know that things were gonna be okay. Which I got, and some amusing life advice as well, so thanks for that!

[dk138]

I'm at about a year without any contact. I still feel a lot of the same anxieties, just knowing that it's out there. Also it's depressing to read some of the threads in here that show the same scammer active for 5+ years - there's really no stopping them, the police won't do anything, you just have to hope that they move on. After a long period of depression and loneliness, I'm back on online dating, so I still check here from time to time. Not that I will ever, ever get into that kind of mess again, but I like to see what the new trends in scamming are so I can report it when I see it. I do have this (hopefully irrational) fear that the scammer will see me on an app, remember me, and restart the harassment. I was one of the extreme cases where they actually messaged some contacts of mine, it really sucked.

[SlapHappy]

You should read our romance scams topics to help identify romance scammers. They are the worst of the worst scammers on the planet.

[nebelwerferbattery]

All

I am posting well more than a year since my blackmail/scam incident. It was daunting, I felt stupid, worthless and a shameful. Most of all, the feeling of having been violated was intense. I was alone in an alien city in a far away country. I cried and cried, and listened to some of the podcasts of the admins trolling some scammers. What got me most was the shock, and betrayal and the inability to share it openly with folks I knew. Nevertheless, I actually reported it to the Police, and one Officers was very understanding and spoke comfortingly and that the department is with me even if this case is next to impossible to solve. So folks, speak to someone, family and friends would be best, but someone is better than no one.

It took about 5-7 weeks for me to start getting back to normal. I invested completely into work and worked 14 hours a day including weekends, for almost 3 months. That took away the memories and all suicidal thoughts. Time is a great healer - give it a chance.

There was no video, just a picture - maybe that, coupled with me cutting engagement with the scammers in 45 mins and strictly following all the advice in this site helped.

Now, all I worry about is my personal life and career and making good use of time. I am extra vigilant, and not so naive. I also make sure I think with the right head.

Be positive. This is a small blip in a long life with way bigger challenges.

The only way to move forward is to trust that the video/picture is gone because that is the logical sequence of events if you cut contact with the scammer. Secondly, forgive yourself.

Be strong. You are the result of millions of years of evolution, you'll survive this too.

[godgod777]

I feel soooooo sad...the fairy tales was gone...

[SlapHappy]

godgod777,
Please be sure to read this topic also:

The post-scam stage - waking up to reality
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=37058

[Socalscammed]

I just wanted to say thank you. Will buy the book and send a paypal. I got threatened 2 days ago. No explicit photos just evidence I was looking to have an affair. Blocked the skype number, deleted the app, changed all social media settings to the most private but clear they had done googling so they know how to get ahold of me. Deleted dating website account. No contact for 48 hours. I figure they have moved on after I told them to pound sand.

Explored a digital forensic company and was highly unhappy with their business model and approach. It made very little sense to me given my CURRENT situation (one contact, nothing truly life changing embarrassing in the contact, aggressive reverse cyber with limited belief it would actually work, hugely expensive). Passed for now.

Most importantly looked for community that had gone through the same thing and glad I found here. Finding a safe space with others that have been hurt like this is healing. I hope to add to the support as I both work through why I was on the dating site in the first place and then the miserable trust issues this has led to.

Let me add one thing - one guy's experience but I felt I needed to fess up to those that I hurt by my actions. I did with my wife. We are committed to the marriage enough to work through it. I can't even imagine going through this and worrying about her getting contacted by these scammers. Showed her everything. Helped.