recovery and reassurance

Hi dumped_once,

I found out I was being scammed on August 14 of this year. I had had contact with my scammer for 6th months. It was blow that I have never experienced in my life when I found out I was being scammed and honestly, didn't think I would EVER recover--I couldn't see that far down the tunnel Yet. Everything seemed hopeless; I felt doomed, and until I came back here and posted my scammers information (it took me a week or so to post) did I begin the process. You have to want recovery and to seek out the help provided here. The names you mentioned above are some of the ones who helped ME get to where I am.
I still have a ways to go, but I'll tell ya, I am SO much better than I thought I would be! I have been feeling this way for over a month now, so I think I did pretty good.
Just remember, You'll have good days or moments and bad. Be good to yourself, FORGIVE yourself and surround yourself with people you love, and come here--to SS--There are a great bunch of people who truly care.

I hope this helped even just a little. You are in the right place and on your way back to "normal" but now you are a little stronger, and wiser at that! Good Luck! Vexed

Hi duped_once,
Recovery is really an individual process. It’s all depends on how long you were being scammed, just how deep your feelings run and even the financial impact you’re surviving if any. The people on this site will “hold your hand”, talk you through the self-doubt and lend that ear so you can purge yourself of all the ugliness your scammer brought into your life. One thing I’ve learned through just living life is you have to talk about what’s going on inside of you. It will help you gain perspective. Some of us aren’t lucky enough to have family or friends that will just listen and not judge. You will find that support here so use it as much as you can.
My last contact with my scammer was over a week ago. We started corresponding in late June of this year. Although I had posted my story back in October, “because something just still didn’t feel right”, the conclusion to this chapter really only happened in the past week after he tried to “keep me on the hook” (you know the promises, I love you, I need to be with you, etc - kind of got bored of hearing the broken record). My heart had finally caught up to my head. I ended up coming online here in need of a friendly ear and to shore up my resolve. I spoke to Slap Happy for close to 3 hour!! It was a great exchange with a lot of education as well as laughs. After I told him what I had experienced he confirmed I had most likely been hit by an entire group dealing with me. There was the scammer who’s voice who would call me (or I would call) then a group on chat that would juggle the chats or emails (until he realized I knew how to track emails - then they stopped). It was elaborate and very “well run”. The next day I was in the chat room and spoke to Ruffled Feathers having yet another great exchange. Something I said which RF said was an interesting perspective was I never felt I was a victim – I knew I had made choices to participate all the while ignoring my inner voice so I was taking responsibility for my actions. I, however, refuse to take responsibility for what my scammer did (use my feeling, my good nature, my trust and my financial support). He is the victim here - of his own greed and lack of conscience. He will continue to do what he does because of his nature (karma will have a way of correcting that behavior somewhere down the road). I can go on, hold my head up and not be broken because I KNOW I am a good person. There will be someone down the line that recognizes that and not abuse it.
He’s actually tried to call me several times in the past few days, yet I have no desire to speak to him because I know his only intent is to “woo me back in line - guess all that time put in most likely was crucial to perhaps facilitating a larger scam??? Sorry I don't feel like cooperating”. SH had asked me what attracted me to him – pictures, the way he wrote, his voice? That was something I had thought about in the beginning after realizing it had been a scam. Honestly it was a combination. Now as I sit here I can look at it as this and say there is no one perfect person out there (you know wave the wand and poof! There he is). The fact is there were pictures from one guy who was attractive and friendly, the British phone voice from yet another and a combo of people chatting up the personality (who knows how many of them it took to do that - it was pretty in depth). IIICCCKKKKK!!! I believe in dating one guy at a time not a gang so NO THANKS!!!! And yes humor will also help you bounce back so use it!!! Don’t dwell another moment on what you thought “was the reality – it was fantasy”. Think about you as a person, what you know you want and deserve and stick to the dating close to home, ask tons of questions and don’t be afraid to hope for a better life. Don’t forget to reach out to people here because they get it and there will be times when you just want to talk to someone because you’re feeling alone. Remember – We’re here because we’re survivors not because we gave up !!!!

Hadenough12

Hi jamesbrown14

I just read your post and to answer part of your question, it does take time to recover and heal and get your confidence back --- most importantly you must allow yourself that time.

One thing I can promise you is, helping other victims of this type of scam not only helps them, but you. Each time you help someone you will feel stronger and stronger and will learn to laugh once again.

You also need to get out with friends and family, they are your biggest support group.

I am sorry you were scammed in this manner, but as I said each day your feeling of regret and/or embarrassment will diminish. Do not let the scammer beat you up anymore, by doing all your posting you are winning the battle against him and his counterparts, and proving to yourself you are stronger and smarter than he is.

I wish you well always, and remember this site is here to help you - so do not feel you are coming into the chat room too often, we are all here for you.

It is time to take care of you now.

RF

SlapHappy, i came here for another reason but ran into this one. You already know me from elsewhere and these kind of people really irritate me. I need to read your rules here so I don't step out of line here, but I wish I had known of this site as well.

Until I read your rules I want say a lot but folks the theory of making up your mind that you are done with this person, group or what have you is a valid one.

That broken record, "when did you send it?", "I need you forever!", "Can't wait to be with you" is just their way of pressure. Once you see it and question it or get disgusted with it in most cases, you are likely to start finding places like this for help.

I wish you all the best, you have taken the first step. The rest is easy!

^^^ Ut-oh, he found us. LOL.


Welcome NV. Nice to see you here.

Great Post Happy, you always know the right thing to say, May God bless you guys in everything you guys do to help others, I didn't no what to do until I found this site. I thank God that he bought me here, and meet so many wonderful people who are caring and compassionate to help others who has been blackmail and scammed.

Excellent article!

Just wanted to thank you for this Happy, it really helped!

It's around 2 weeks since it all started for me and I finally feel like things have got back to normal. I'll be sure to spread the word about this place as every mod who i've spoken to goes out of their way to make you feel better!

Thank you so much guys, you'll never know how grateful I am for all your help and info!

HI all. reading this has really helped. I did not pay any money to my scammer, even after i was shown the video and it has been a month and nothing has happened. I know realistically i should move on and forget about but i still have lingering fears. in anyone's experience or opinion, am i past the worst of it and is my scammer likely to be out of my life now?

^^^ I think it's been our experience that the scammers move on quicly if there isn't a paycheck in it for them. They might only try you again if their well dries up or if you did something to make them extremely angry at you.

(That'll be two cents please)