Recovery is really an individual process. It’s all depends on how long you were being scammed, just how deep your feelings run and even the financial impact you’re surviving if any. The people on this site will “hold your hand”, talk you through the self-doubt and lend that ear so you can purge yourself of all the ugliness your scammer brought into your life. One thing I’ve learned through just living life is you have to talk about what’s going on inside of you. It will help you gain perspective. Some of us aren’t lucky enough to have family or friends that will just listen and not judge. You will find that support here so use it as much as you can.
My last contact with my scammer was over a week ago. We started corresponding in late June of this year. Although I had posted my story back in October, “because something just still didn’t feel right”, the conclusion to this chapter really only happened in the past week after he tried to “keep me on the hook” (you know the promises, I love you, I need to be with you, etc - kind of got bored of hearing the broken record). My heart had finally caught up to my head. I ended up coming online here in need of a friendly ear and to shore up my resolve. I spoke to Slap Happy for close to 3 hour!! It was a great exchange with a lot of education as well as laughs. After I told him what I had experienced he confirmed I had most likely been hit by an entire group dealing with me. There was the scammer who’s voice who would call me (or I would call) then a group on chat that would juggle the chats or emails (until he realized I knew how to track emails - then they stopped). It was elaborate and very “well run”. The next day I was in the chat room and spoke to Ruffled Feathers having yet another great exchange. Something I said which RF said was an interesting perspective was I never felt I was a victim – I knew I had made choices to participate all the while ignoring my inner voice so I was taking responsibility for my actions. I, however, refuse to take responsibility for what my scammer did (use my feeling, my good nature, my trust and my financial support). He is the victim here - of his own greed and lack of conscience. He will continue to do what he does because of his nature (karma will have a way of correcting that behavior somewhere down the road). I can go on, hold my head up and not be broken because I KNOW I am a good person. There will be someone down the line that recognizes that and not abuse it.
He’s actually tried to call me several times in the past few days, yet I have no desire to speak to him because I know his only intent is to “woo me back in line - guess all that time put in most likely was crucial to perhaps facilitating a larger scam??? Sorry I don't feel like cooperating”. SH had asked me what attracted me to him – pictures, the way he wrote, his voice? That was something I had thought about in the beginning after realizing it had been a scam. Honestly it was a combination. Now as I sit here I can look at it as this and say there is no one perfect person out there (you know wave the wand and poof! There he is). The fact is there were pictures from one guy who was attractive and friendly, the British phone voice from yet another and a combo of people chatting up the personality (who knows how many of them it took to do that - it was pretty in depth). IIICCCKKKKK!!! I believe in dating one guy at a time not a gang so NO THANKS!!!! And yes humor will also help you bounce back so use it!!! Don’t dwell another moment on what you thought “was the reality – it was fantasy”. Think about you as a person, what you know you want and deserve and stick to the dating close to home, ask tons of questions and don’t be afraid to hope for a better life. Don’t forget to reach out to people here because they get it and there will be times when you just want to talk to someone because you’re feeling alone. Remember – We’re here because we’re survivors not because we gave up