Podcasts and Thinking
by LearnedTheHardWay
So I've been listening to the podcasts, and now and again thinking about myself. I began to realize that I was finding myself taking a particular track of thought which was just stupid. I had it in my head yes I'm safe for now but what if one day I achieve a successful career and because of this I'm then found by the scammer and threatened once again, and at one stage I started to think "maybe I don't want to become everything I once wanted to in case this happens. I started to ask questions like "what if I didn't report the video correctly and so it's still on YouTube?". Then when pondering this I thought; would you stop being so stupid and wake up to the facts.
I was choosing to believe the fear I was creating in my own head from the scammer's threats and lies instead of listening to what you and this site were telling me, to the point where I was scared to make a name and a life for myself. I began to realize that if the scammer really wanted to "ruin my life" he would have took note of my f/b friends in case I did deactivate my account and then send it to them as he threatened he would. I remember the threat "and if you try to flee the situation I will go ahead and send the video anyway." Well that was quite clearly bull****!
I started to realize that if he has scammed as many people by day as you believe these scammers do, then by now it would be over 2,000 people since me. How could he possibly remember me? I even calculated the amount of people he could possibly scam by the time I finish university - 32,700+ if youre interested lol. I started to realise just how foolish I was being. You've told me they don't return so why was I choosing to believe they would?
I then started to think of circumstances regarding other people and if they didnt end contact with the scammer, why their video was shared. I came to the conclusion, that if they were still keeping contact with the scammer, the scammer would then most likely send the video to at least one of their f/b friends, as they would have further scared the victim. Sending it to one or a couple of their friends would be the only thing left that they could do in order to scare the victim into paying. But by paying, the victim has fallen to the thought of all their friends seeing this video and to quote my scammer "becoming a local celebrity". But in reality, in my eyes anyway, this would not happen unless they remained in contact with their scammer for a long time. I began to realise that if the scammer was adamant that if he was not paid he would send the video, then that would have happened. But it didnt.
You say in the podcast its just about money then and there and if you dont pay up they move on; and this is true. I started to think how completely mad it is for me to think that over the years it would be until I'd come of age to be in a successful career position that the scammer would be searching my name into web browsers. And then on top of this I started to almost shout at myself, that the video doesn't exist! I reported the video, almost certain that the particular youtube account it was put up on is deleted. And months have already passed. Am i really telling myself that the scammer stores the thousands of videos just incase someday he finds the victims again? Crazy logic.
I still don't feel comfortable returning to f/b but it's probably because I dont really have any need for it that I'm not making a new one as of yet. I feel safe on twitter and instagram and I have set my accounts as private as they can be, at least as far as I know they can be. I'm still slightly fighting off this, which at one point was an expectation that one day it'll return and at times I really do get frustrated with it.
This then even led me to think of what if we went back in time and some of my friends were sent a video. If all of my friends list saw it, yes it would be tough, i'd worry that i'd be laughed and mocked and peoples' perception of me would change as I do see myself as quite a sociable person and social life means a lot to me. But if it was just a few people, yes it would be embarrassing but really, so what? I'm sure these people would laugh at me for a bit but this is a very serious and dark part of the internet and one which is becoming more and more known. I just think of Ronan Hughes and the thoughts and fears that he would have gone through. I'm sure we shared a number of them and I can easily see how overwhelming they could be for him, as they were for me.
But the reality is that I don't actually believe that these people would react the way we imagine if they were sent the video, and that took me a long time to consider. Whilst I had such fear of the possible embarrassment, I also had even more fear of how my parents would react. I don't mean this in a childish 'I don't want to get into trouble way' but as a more state of mental health, and I hated the thought of bringing shame upon the family. These are all the thoughts that go through your head and possibly what the scammers are hoping will corner you into paying up in the first place. But yes, I apologize for the long rambling but I'm trying to really hit home to myself that the video doesn't exist and it's over forever.
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