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recovery and reassurance

Scammers that pretend to be in a refugee camp, usually in Senegal.

Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Ruffled Feathers » Fri Jul 04, 2014 12:54 am

Hi v3c
Totally understand what you are thinking and going through, but please trust everyone on this site and the information they give you.
Yes I was scammed also, but have learned to accept what happened to me and the money I lost - it was a romance scam, they are the worst, however, to say how you were scammed was not a walk in the park and you too have to recover. Once you realize, the scammer can no longer torment you, you are half-way home and the rest is up to you to understand and also to recover.
Recovery takes time, but it does happen and you will go on to find a new real life and be aware of the people around you.
A scammer is only as good as the fear he can create, do NOT let him take that away from you, you have nothing to fear, what you do have do is get your real life back into some sense of order.
I wish you only the best, listen to what the advisors on this site tell you and learn you can recover - it is painful at times, but I can guarantee you, you will recover.
Best always, RF
A scammer is only as good as the fear he creates.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby avrb » Fri Jul 04, 2014 11:28 am

‘I felt hurt, betrayed and stupid, even though I was smart enough not to send him the money. I googled his image and found that he had scammed other women in similar manner under different names and email addresses, but with similar stories. If he hurt you too, I am so sorry, because he really had me going for a while, and I thought I had met Prince Charming at last’ – this is from forum posted here some time ago by another person, but reading that I felt like I had said it myself. This is how I feel – hurt, betrayed and stupid. I’ve blocked that scammer on Skype and deleted my Yahoo account. I’ve accepted the fact that person in the photos was not the same the one who talked to me on Skype and Yahoo Messenger, but I can’t get those photos out of my mind. I keep thinking about that real man. Idea that there is no chance to meet him drives me crazy. I really feel like teenager being in love for the first time, which is quite strange at my age. I know what you’re going to say – never try to contact the real person, he is victim too. Yes, I’ve read it several times here, I kind of understand it but still can’t get him out of my mind. Sometimes I think it could be helpful to know he has a family, kids and loving wife. I realize I’m only one of thousands scammed using those pictures, but it always seems it hurts more when it happens to me. I’m sure – not the first and not the last one asking for this kind of help. Please reveal a secret – how to stop dreaming and get back to reality?
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Big Al » Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:14 pm

I would say that we all heal at our own pace when things like this happen in our lives. My suggestion would be to spend some time with you real life friends and family. Take time to heal from the devastation that you've suffered in your life.
Sorry that you were scammed.
BA
"Look for the lies."
Being Blackmailed? Go here and do this first: https://blackmailscams.com/
The information you supply can help others from becoming Victims.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby firefly » Fri Jul 04, 2014 2:10 pm

avrb,

Being scammed is an experience that will change you forever. Like a wound, need time to be healed, and even after that, the scar remains. In your particular case, we can tell you for sure that the real owner of the pictures is married and he is not searching for no one. Victims against whom his photos have been used already harassed him for years - and he don't deserve this... he is just another victim of a scammer, in a different way.

Best thing to do is to post the emails you received from him, telling your story about this entire episode. That will release some anger and it is a needed step in your recovery process. When you're ready with that, just delete everything you have about him from your computer. No more pictures, no more reading back old conversations; not even visiting your own reports about this one on the site for a week or two.

Build yourself another routine, filling that empty space remained you used before for keeping the contact with him. Try to do something for yourself instead. You can not do it in a day or two, but every day would be better as the previous one. Don't let yourself dragged back in the past, by a shadow who was not real. You deserve more than this. He is a bad dream - no the reality. And you will know when the nightmare is over because you will be awake one day realising that, even if still the scar is painful, it is also something teaching you a lesson about yourself and about what you really want to do with your own life.
Help yourself by helping others - report your scammer here.
Google can be your best friend;use it if you have doubts about someone met online. If someone met online only asks for money, no matter what reason, it´s 100% scam.
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Ruffled Feathers » Sat Jul 05, 2014 4:01 am

Hello avrb,
Glad you found this site,,,your question, when does this end and you get back to real life, that depends on you and your strength, but I can assure you, it will happen. The first thing to do, is now erase everything you have on your computer and know about him, never look back, it is time to look forward only. I know easier said than done, but please for your own peace of mind, try to block as much as you can in your mind. He was a fictional character, who stole from you, do not ever go looking for him again and or try to contact him. Again that is easier said than done, but you have to do it for yourself if you want to heal - give yourself the time to heal and most importantly, forgive yourself, you are not stupid, you just made a mistake like the rest of us. As you heal, you will realize that, you are a far better person than you ever imagined, and you have become a very strong individual that can now deal with anything life throws at you. Treat this as a learning experience, one that you will never forget, but can forgive yourself for and take into the future for more of life's experiences. You will be strong once again.
Best always,
RF
A scammer is only as good as the fear he creates.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Sat Jul 05, 2014 2:48 pm

avrb,

The three people who posted to you above all have very good insights and suggestions for actions to help you to move ahead. There are also many other posts by other members here who are in various stages of healing from their scam. If you have not read this entire topic, I encourage you to do so. You must not let the "fantasy image" control your future any more. As long as you allow yourself to cling to the "image," the scammer still has some control over you, even though you do not talk to him any more. The image is false, and you need to reject it to get stronger. As long as you cling to it, you are still living in the past and in the scam.

I'll give you another suggestion to help you. Our podcasts are made specifically to help victims recover from scams, educate others so that they will not be scammed, and can also help everyone to stop scams occurring within their own circle of family and friends. The first half of each podcast contains the 15-30 minute interviews. The three people above were all interviewed, as were the rest of the staff here. Other survivor members of scams and some of our friends who are anti-scam professionals were also interviewed and talk about their scam or various topics about what they do to help save victims and potential victims from scammers.

Many of the interviews deal with romance scams, so I highly encourage you to listen to them. It will also help you to get out of the Fantasy World created by the scammer and help you to purge the "image" that you are having trouble letting go of. You will hear all the real voices of the staff that work here, and hear the members generous enough to offer to be interviewed for us to help others move ahead as well. Attaching voices to what we type here will help you to come back to the reality of what you face in working at healing in the days ahead for you. Hearing our words I hope will inspire you to take back the control of your life yourself.

As an added benefit in the podcasts, the second half contains funny calls that the staff and friends made to scammers, doing some improv comedy. Listen to us make asses out of the scammers, and sometimes ourselves.
Laughter is good for the soul.
http://scamsurvivors.com/podcasts/
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby avrb » Mon Jul 07, 2014 8:54 am

Thank you – for being so supportive and for trying to help. Just for being nice and friendly, this means very much to me. I think in most cases the problem is – there is no one to talk about all the mess happening when you face situation like this. I was so unhappy and desperate before met that man online. I was not looking for him, actually – I was not looking for no one. Everything seemed to be grey and boring, just had a feeling (or hope) there should be love somewhere out there and it could change my life. And it changed, it’s for sure...When it happened it was like a thunderbolt - I noticed colors, I had such a positive emotions, I was so full of energy...and so happy. Well, now I’m back to my ‘grey and boring’ and the only thing that really helps is reading this forum. Our brain is so powerful, we can make us think we are happy or miserable, just have to choose. I’ll let you know when I learn how to choose the right one. And thank you all for advice and support, you’re doing great job helping so many people!

A.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby avrb » Fri Jul 11, 2014 1:40 pm

Hi,
Just finished listening podcast #22. Now I truly understand why you recommended to listen those podcasts – they are so good! It’s a perfect way for healing and recovery . Not only this last one, each of them is just great. So much fun and creativity, so much laughter. I can’t say I’m absolutely ok, it’s going to take more time I guess. But I feel much better now. It was fun to listen those phone calls and to realize those people were ready to do anything to get some money, even to pray for hamster and later talk to him. And conversation regarding fracking issue – it was excellent :lol: Ohh, they are so damn stupid, I just can’t believe I could fall for one of them.
Want to say thank you again, for keeping this site working and for making us smile again!
A.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby eliaselias274 » Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:37 am

"Closure is moving on with your life, and taking a bad experience and turning it into something good for yourself and others. Dwelling on any detail of the scam prevents you from doing this. Holding on to the "image fantasy," looking for the real person in the pictures, looking for the real scammer behind the scam, etc. will not do you any good and it will prolong the hurt and recovery time.

Moving from being a victim to being a survivor begins when you forgive yourself for making a mistake. You must realize that it is not your fault, but all the scammer's fault. He took advantage of you when you were most vulnerable.
Everyone makes mistakes, but you learn from them, and recovering from a scam and being a survivor is done by all of the members of this website with help from the others. "

Thank you for these two paragraphs. I've been searching aimlessly online for something to help me get over this in my head. This was perfect. Thank you. I'm wore out after looking for anything for several days now and I think I'll actually get some sleep tonight. I look forward to reading so much more on these forums.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:57 am

eliaselias274, I'm glad that this topic helped you. Thanks for posting here. If you have not yet taken your first action step toward recovery, I hope you will. And this step is posting all the scammer's details here, to help warn others of your scammer. I hope that you will take the time do do this. Many people can be saved by the actions of others, and these pages prove that hour by hour. :D
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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