Emails:
On April 19, 2016
beautyanalkinaankina@bigmir.net wrote:
Thank you, you answered me xxx. Yes, here it is and I can see it. I read
it and think this is really very interesting. And of course I think
that you maybe still do not believe in all this. I myself have not
fully believe yet! And still very afraid that this could be a joke.
For me it's the first time, to communicate by such way. By e-mail, by
letters. Maybe this is a dream? No, pinching myself, I was hurt, so I
do not sleep! And you ? (smile). You know, I read a lot of books, and
I personally believe that the thoughts expressed in the letter is much
easier and better. Also, you can open up, to show your identity. Show
who you are! I do not know whether you agree with me or not?! You can
say, but to express emotions, words can not convey! And in letters
everything is possible. But back to our fellowship. I as you also have
a lot of questions, I'm curious to know more, and if you're interested
... to communicate with me, continue to write me, and to learn
something new, share ideas, be friends, I will be happy that we will
communicate. Everyday ! Of course except Sunday (smile). I told you
that in a Sunday, I can not write you and see your letters. Since the
Internet cafes closed, but I think that one day, that does not change
too much. You know, this reading the letters and writing the answers
it's like to read a book every day, page by page. And when you do not
know what will happen next, you really want to know the continuation
more and more. You know the feeling when it's late in the evening, you
are reading, you realize that it is already time to sleep, but you can
not stop reading, because you want to know what will happen next, what
will happen on the next page. So what we have now, I think it' really
like the book. I will read you, and you me! Maybe a strange
comparison? But what do you expect from a girl whose best friends -
are book's (smile)? You know about me, about my past, my family why I
left them, and also you know about some of my hobbies. But this is
only a small fraction of 1 page. And if you are ready to continue,
then we start? As cellular communication. I have a usual cell phone,
it's old type phone, not a smartphone. And it's work only inside of my
country. It doesn't accept incoming calls from abroad. But we have the
ability to call from the post office. And I can make calls to other
countries ?! I do not know, and yet I see no reason to know. Because
all about what we can talk, we can be friends by e-mail and write all
this in letters. Is not it ?! But later, after I know you better, we
can discuss it again. How many people wrote letters in earlier ages,
was waiting for a response for several months. Letters that can
express all anxiety, joy, expectation, happiness, pain. Probably worth
the time to return, but it is not necessary to wait for several
months, it is necessary to wait 1 day. And guess what will be the
answer! I think it's fascinating! And it attracts. And what do you
think ? Now, in many part of life joined the technology, and it makes
life easier. So many people think, and does not deprive the
technologies of this life? No, that feeling of what it was before,
when you know a little something, and it seemed that not all was so
bad. Now, one has only to turn on the TV, to see what you do not want
to see. War, suffering, religious clashes. And then ask yourself why
some people hate others? just because they have a different religion.
The answer lies in the fact that all are trying to say that one nation
is bad and the other is good. And it makes life easier? No, it is even
worse to live. And that's why I do not like to watch TV, I like to
read, listen to music, and I love to look at nature, untouched nature.
And I hope that this "old", "primitive", and all the forgotten letters
will be interesting for us, and lead to a good friendship. Who am I ?
I am a simple girl. I do not smoke, do not like alcohol. A lot of
reading, and well studied in the past. And now I work. While studying
really wanted to learn a foreign language. First, I think about the
French, but still, my teacher insisted that I chose English. And I do
not regret this choice. I admit, my English is not so bad. Even at the
university lecturer told me that I speak well and understand, but is
very difficult to read and write. I hope later I will start to teach
some other language. What else to tell about myself ?! I am simple.
But not all. I'm looking for my life, my happiness, for which I am
ready to fight. And do silly things. As I have already said that any
nonsense, any act can lead you to various results. And if you live as
they require from you, then you do not live and just exist !!! Do you
agree with me ? My height is 168 cm, weight about 54 kilograms. My
face is always smile, because it warms me smile. I told you already
about my work. So I really like to help people. I feel some good after
it and that’s why I chose this profession and work in hospital. What
else can I say about myself. Religion.... My religion is Islam. I know
you've heard about it. And I know that maybe whole world thinks that
we are all bad, terrorists, and even many people don't like us. But it
is not so. In every religion there are bad people, there are those who
can do evil, and there are those who can do good. For me, religion is
very important. It lives in us, in our hearts. And no matter you are
reading the Bible, or the Koran. The main thing that you are a good
person. That you understood the value of life. And glad by that you
have.So I think, but how do you think? And further. Age. I young by
heart, but not by years. I am 33 years old, and it enough I think. But
the years are not important! And you must agree with me. What is more
important is how you feel inside your soul. If in your heart is a
fire, you want to live, want to take the world in your hands, it does
not matter how old you are 20 or 30, or 60, and maybe more. The main
thing is that you are young by heart and soul. And willing to be who
you are ... In the end, I want you to realize once again that this is
not a game. I open my world to you, and would like to gain an
understanding of you. I'm not asking you to write as much as I do, but
I'm asking you if you are really ready to get to know me, ready to be
friends, to try to be friends. Be open for me. You should not play
with me, do not expect from me of something .... Come on. If you dream
to see me get naked or mock me, laugh, and just to hurt me then it is
not necessary. Life has hurt me already several times. I try to
remember it every day, betrayal of my father, stepfather education,
and life in solitude. And that you just uncover my wound healed. Think
before you answer. At this point I will finish my letter. And I will
wait for a response. Have a nice day. Afila
On April 20, 2016,
beautyanalkinaankina@bigmir.net wrote:
How nice to come back to internet cafe, and the most important thing
is to know that I expect a letter. A letter from you xxx! It is very nice. In my last letter I told
you about my family. And also why I’m alone now. Sometimes I think that maybe I was wrong, and that may be my life would be much better if I follow all traditions of
my country? If I would live as others people told me to live? But I think it is not a real life. And I could not accept this way. I breathe, I see, I hear, I live, I’m
not like the beast that carry the team, I want to choose my own life, to make mistakes and learn from it something. And I would not blame anyone for some results,
because I did it, and it was only my decision.
Today I will be nurse (smile). My friend asked me to sit with her daughter. She upbringing her alone, since her husband died, he had a car accident. And with them
(friend and her daughter), I celebrated this new year. It was fun, we painted, read books (her daughter), and then took to the streets, many people used the fireworks,
and we looked at the starry sky, and saw in it the beautiful effects. I can not say that it was just great, and as they show on TV, but still, it's better than
nothing. I'm sorry, I left a bit of my story. I understand that already enough time spent after this holiday, but memories about it still bright and live in my memory.
The husband of my friend died. She loved him, but fate was cruel to her. And in the tradition of my country, she can not marry again. Only if a brother of her
ex-husband, but he had no brothers. He was the only one son. And his parents were killed in 1992, when it was a terrorist attack in Baku in metro. And now she has to
bring up her daughter alone. I'm sending you photo from the new year, and so you could see my friend and me.
She told me a lot about her husband, he was a good man, he also loved her. And she said, as if their life was like a fairy tale of the most beautiful stories. He was
older than her 28 years. But my friend was lucky, they lived together with love! And she told me that it was the happiest time for her. He gave her gifts, helped with
some things in the house, and told her about some difficulties or problem. That rarely happens in modern world. Men, you are always trying to keep it a secret inside
your self, and do not like to share problems and think that only you can solve them all. But sometimes the advice of a friend, an acquaintance or a close person can
help you. And to solve all the problems. It is a pity that such as her husband .... very few of them, and even more sorry that he left so early, and left them .... But
all is the will of heaven.
And since that times she does not have the help and support from anyone, she often ask me to sit with her daughter, when she can not. And I always try to help her, and
I enjoy it. I like kids. And I’m sure I can be a good mother if I have the child one day. But all this will not depend only on me, but on the man who will be next to
me. If he want it, then I agree, and I will give him a child. But if not, I humbly agree with this. True, I believe that children are the most valuable it is, and give
life to another child is doing a great person!
I want to tell you more about my friend and her daughter. Mia and Guli. Mia is a very beautiful name for a girl. Do you agree ? And it was very difficult when she
lost her father, and I try to help her understand that life is a lot of good and bad, but always have to believe only in the fact that everything will be fine!
When we sit together we draw, sing, play games. And I tell her stories. She is very curious. And because I read a lot, sometimes I myself come up with different
stories. I used when it is already established characters from other books. And I think we will spend a good time with Mia.
Have you ever been an nurse? How do you spend time with kids? And do you love them much?
Yes, I forgot. Yesterday I cooked pie. I can not go to visit my friend without a gift! And yesterday, when I was preparing dinner, I could cook a small cake. I think I
told you earlier that I love to cook. And a lot of experimenting with it. One day maybe I can cook you some delicious. And you can tell me you liked it or not?
Also, you should understand that sometimes I have small problems with the translation and reading your letters. And I may lose some of your questions that were
important to you. And for this, I ask you not to take offense at me. And write questions in this order again....
1) .....
2) .....
3) .....
And I can see everything I missed your question and I will answer it.
Now, you probably want to know more about me, my home address, my part of life!
All this I do not hide, but I believe it is too early for some things. And because now I live in an apartment rented. And just I can not say whether I will live in it
soon, here or not. But as soon as I know for sure, I'll give you my address. I do not want to deceive you, do not want to tell a lie, and I do not want you to think
badly of me. I do not want and can not hurt you.
And further. Look, I was raised in a way that I observe the laws, to listen to men. And most importantly, never cheat. To tell the truth is easier than to deceive! And
because sooner or later, the lies will be revealed, and that I can inflict very severe pain that is difficult to heal!
All right, now I'll be back to finish my letter, and I will go to visit my friend to sit with her daughter Mia.
I hope that soon I will see your letter, and to see the new images. And further! Since I can not call you, and I do not have a phone, I try to find a way to call you
later. And I think that in a couple of weeks I will be able to call you. And maybe sooner (smile).
Bye.
Afila
From:
beautyanalkinaankina@bigmir.netDate: April 22, 2016
One more new wonderful day xxx! That day when I went to my friend and her
child, I had a fun day and evening (smile). Mia was active as always.
We played without a break, drawing, and spent a good time! She was
very curious and kept asking me how my day passed? And what I have a
new in my life? I said that my life is almost the same as before. I
have a lot of work and a lot of people, who come to the hospital and
ask me to help them and their children. I personally watch over Mia's
health, for her I like her aunt, friend, and of course she thinks that
I'm her older sister. She tells me a lot as it is difficult after she
lost her father, and that she is still waiting for him, but realizes
that he will not come ever.. Very sad to see her eyes, hear these
words, but I do not how I can help her, except that I'm there, and
always try to listen to her. It is not very easy, and I understand it
like nobody else. I always tell her that after a walk, she should wash
hands, wear warmer when it's a strong wind. And anyway, that she need
cares about herself and her health. I say it as a nanny and her friend
(smile), she always nodding her head, and understand what I say.
Yesterday Mia said that, her mother told her, that I often go to the
Internet cafe, and talk to some man (with you). And Mia asked, me why
you and I not together? Here I had time to explain that you are not in
our city, and even live in another country. And then I also need
someone to share my life, and learn something new. She had offended a
lot at first, and she thought that I changed her for you (smile), but
I was able to explain her that she still small, and some things worth
talking about, and discussed only with those who are older and more
mature. And I promised her, that when she grows up, I'll be with her
just to chat and share as you are now. Yes, a little difficult to
explain to children what is for us easy to understand. She's were
asking about you. She asked who you are, where and how we found each
other? I was not hiding and told her, of course by more understandable
words that a child could understand. I told her all the things that I
think of you. The truth is that I do not much know about you. But
every day, you and I know each other more better. And on this, I told
her just what you're smart, good, beautiful, cheerful and interesting
man. We talked for a long time. And I did not notice how time has come
to her bed. We went to the bathroom, she washed her face, and went to
her room. I told her favorite fairy tale "Beauty and the Beast." And
she fell asleep fast. Meanwhile, I went into another room and read a
book, waiting for my friend. When she came home after work, we sat in
the kitchen, drank tea, and agreed to meet today. To do some walk,
talk, and drink coffee. And today, as soon as I finish work, I will
meet again with my friend and her daughter. I think that today it is a
good day again. And I have a good time. It's nice when I'm not alone,
and that I can forget for a while about my loneliness, and spend good
time. How do you usually spent your free time? What's new do you have
in your life? You know, I did not tell you that sometimes I write
poetry! I think this is also one of my hobbies. And I would like to
dedicate to you one verse. I can not be sure that you understand it
correctly, as the translate can be no rhyme. But words must let you
know my thoughts.
A lone, beautiful bird was in a cage.
In the sun shine, I watched, and could not fly away.
No man could understand me before.
And all the loneliness that is in my heart.
This bird wants to find a friend, someone who will be there.
who not betray, do not cheat and do not hurt ever.
A friend who will be next to me forever.
A friend, who is so far away now... yet.
I hope you like it. I'm not a writer, as I said, it's my passion,
hobby. I want to have a friend like you. I'm really interesting with
you, I have a point of living. Perhaps you will not believe, but I
really like to get a letters from you. It's like I living in another
world. World I own ranks. And in this world is you. I do not want to
run forward too fast, I'm not guessing and not want to make early
conclusions. But you're really good man. I like you, I have not yet
met such man as you are. I am pleased to understand that we have a
friendship ... And I'll appreciate it. All right, now I finish my
letter again. In my next letter I will tell you more about myself. And
maybe I'll tell you a secret, that I had no one to share with.
Sometimes it is easier to write a letter, that to say. Huge you.
From:
beautyanalkinaankina@bigmir.netDate: May 3 2016
It would be nice to read a letter from you and learn more. Now I come
after work to check the mail. But so sorry, and you did not write to
me. Perhaps there are any problems with sending? I ask here about that
in Internet cafe and find the problem. Or maybe you just did not have
time to answer me. Tell me if you're still interested in me? I wrote a
message to you, and where you could see a lot of information. Tell me
if my letters are great for you? I will always listen to your words. I
would like to again send photos to you today and I think that you
like. I will look tomorrow to check my mail. I hope very much that you
have everything in order. Tell me what you're doing these days ?? I
also work tomorrow, but will scan your computer frequently. A smile
here, Afila
On May 5, 2016,
beautyanalkinaankina@bigmir.net wrote:
Perhaps this will be the biggest of my all my previous letters, I ever
wrote you xxx! But I think that after it, I be able to open myself more to you, my hobbies, and my life. It had to happen oneday, these questions and answers, we both want to know it. And of course that's not all, there are many more other questions. But for them necessary more time, and if I ask all at once, so there will be no any interest longer! Questions and Answers that will be in letter. And now you probably know some of the facts of my life in which for you it will be maybe hard to believe, and more importantly, I would like you to be treated with respect and understanding to all this. And the most important thing it is my religion!
I am a Muslim but I did not choose it myself, and it's not my choice, but my parents. And sometimes it's difficult to live with it, when the whole world considers that all Muslims are bad people. But it is not so. There are bad people and good, the Crusaders fought and killed shouting the name of Jesus but no one remembers it, and also not understood what they were doing ..... But all say that only Muslims are bad.
Refusing to religion?! Change it!? I have not thought about it, but without religion, I can not live, without faith. When I find it difficult, I appeal to God, I believe that He exist, and that He protect us. And as I said, I respect and appreciate other opinions, and do not judge them or tell them how it’s right or not. Everyone believe in what he wants to believe. It does not matter a Catholic or Buddhist, or Muslim. The main thing a person himself, what he is as a person, and what actions and things he or she does.
I do not go to the mosque, I pray at home. And do it is rare, not as most of Muslims. But still, it's a part of me and my life. And I want my friends and close people took it, and did not push me away just because of what I believe in! What do you think about it, that I am a Muslim and what I wrote you here? I hope that you understand, that not all people are bad in my religion! I remember that I have already asked you this, but I want to be sure that it will not be a barrier for our communication or possible relations!
And if you compare me to others, I think, I'm more developed, and does not try to follow the old traditions.
I do not wear clothes from head to toe, you can see it in the photos. I try to be more modern, and to be the same as many of other girls. Yes there is, I have something that I was taught from childhood to respect the family, appreciate, listen to man, and to know that the head of the family should be a man and in relationships also. But we can discuss religion forever, and I think it is not necessary to say more about it. And I hope you understand that I'm different and you'll have a good opinion of me (smile).
I've already talked about meeting with my friend! During the meeting, we also talked about you. Yes, she asked me about you, I said, and you know, I understand that you are my friend, and a friend who communicates with me, and you know enough about me. Let's say so that she has advised me to tell you a little bit more, then you already knew ..... well you understand it yourself, when you read my questions and see my answers.
That's not all, but still a drop of what I want to know!
I ask you, and I will answer.
1) What's your favorite color? My favorite blue and green.
2) What for you it was the most insane thing in your life before? For me it was to write a first letter to you for the first time, when you was not yet familiar person for me.
3) Do you believe in miracles? (I understand, probably it's a stupid question, but I would like to know.) I believe and hope that someday in my life a miracle will happened.
4) Do you like more the sun or the rain? I love the rain, probably because it is rare in my country, and when there is heavy rain, the streets empty, and there's no people, I have a feeling that I'm alone in the world.
5) What do you value the friendship and relationship? I put loyalty and trust in the first place. Without this we can not be together, and even friends. Do you agree with me ?
6) How much do you travel? I am not at all only my country where I was born, and the country where I live now, and grew. And that is why I am very interested to know how it’s in the country? And now, mastering the Internet, I can see the pictures that I take your breath away. Often it rain? How often have snow? We do this almost never happens. And for me it is an exotic (smile)
7) Can you hit a girl !? And in what cases? I can not hit anybody, probably because I have not fought ever (Smile), but if I have someone to attack me, I can scream so loud that it scared and run away (smile).
8) Do you drive car? I’m not and don’t have drive license, but sometimes I want to try it, go quickly by road to face the wind was blowing, and the front be a good, clean way (smile). I guess I'm very much looking movies (smile).
9) Did you see the sea? I saw it a few times, and even bathing. For you perhaps it sounds like the words of a child, but I do not travel a lot, and well, that in my country there is. And it's beautiful, especially the sound of the waves beating on the shore.
10) Your hobbies and interests that you most like? I've already said that I like to read, listen to music, but I also like to run through the parks, I like sports, I like to live. And smiling all the troubles is a hobby? (smile).
11)What was the worst moment of your life? I guess the fact that my parents divorced. And the loss of people close to me, grandparents, friends.
12) Do you dream of living in another place? And where ? I wanted to, but I want to live where is sun, there is a forest, there are good people, who see you smile and response to you either.
13) Do you like animals? I love and I even had a cat, but its time has come, and after I have someone does not start, the more the mistress of the room that I rented, she is against animals.
14) As you know I work as a doctor, and I love children! Do you love them? And that means to you children?
15) I'm not talking, not saying that tomorrow, I'll just talk, would you like to meet one day? I think that, yes, it would be cool. But I do not want it to be soon. I want to know you better first! And you ?
And now the questions that I very much would like to know the answers. And just to answer.
1) What do you expect from our communication?
Personally, I hope to get a friendship, at least. At least this, because as I said, I do not think I'll find someone who will need me as much as the air. No, I'm not saying that it's not you. Just, you ... you're too good for me. Yes, and we are far away, and that is important, I do not want to rush its findings. I want to share with you my life.
2) I do not know how to find the words that I could express to you ....... I hope that you will understand and accept this right. And most importantly you will not laugh, because I'm sure for you it will sound strange, and not very real in our time, especially in your country. But! Understand, I am innocent! Yes, I’m virgin, and I did not have intimacy with a man before. I kissed, but no more than it. Why ? I do not know, maybe because I did not feel that I want to open up completely and in my religion girls do it only after marriage. And on this, I want you to know! And how do you feel about it?
You know, I'm glad that we started first to write letters, because at any moment I stop to think about everything and write you. Write more correctly, and most importantly to share all my thoughts. Feelings are that in me now. And it can transfer only a letter. Words can say a lot. But those words can be very little use. They can be as wind. Fly and imposing only dust. A letter they were before in ancient ages, they are now, and I think for a long time, they will be in demand in our lives. No matter what science, electronics stepped very far.
You know dear !? Do you mind that I call you "dear"? Dear friend! Just one that sounds like something "just" a dear friend, is someone who is interesting. that is, you (smile). I began to smile a lot lately. As if I had found my personal psychologist. Please, do not misunderstand me, I say that, because I have very few people with whom I can share my lives.
Even sometimes I think I'm more talking than you (smile). Forgive me, but for all time, I have accumulated a lot feelings and thoughts. And I just had no one to discuss it. My friend with her .... I said the same, but it is not why it seems to me that she have so many her own problems, and all I said to her, sometimes she just does not listen to me. But I do not mind, I understand it. And I wanted for a long time to find a man who would be with me. What I said, understood and listened to.
For example you, but you're a friend, and you're far away.
Time will show and the time that we will give us a lot to understand. And just as your answers.
Maybe one day we can meet in real life. But not now (smile).
This concludes my long letter again, and I'll wait for your answer. (smile) I'll try to write much less at other times. But it is very hard (smile)
See you. Dear friend.
Afila
