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recovery and reassurance

This section deals specifically with online romance scams. The images used by the scammers are stolen from innocent people, usually from their social media pages.

Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Thu Oct 09, 2014 2:00 pm

Thanks for posting your thoughts, kob65green. I would like to make two comments about what you said here.

I'm pretty sure that's why the scammers seem to pressure people to send the money right away -- they know that if you take some time to think about it and get support, you are less likely to send the money.
This absolutely 100% correct. They count on keeping up the terror while you are talking to them in chat until you pay. They do know that when the logic takes over the emotion, they will lose the "game."

do I think that getting nude on a chat with someone is wrong, I would say, of course not --it might be dumb, if you don't know them
Not so fast here... Ponder this for a few minutes:
Internet Blackmail Scammers only want money and move on in a matter of minutes to a couple of days, then forget about you shortly thereafter. They have no emotion involved and are not vindictive.
But a wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend can change their minds as to whether they like you or not and may not want money as the main object. They may instead prefer to have your blood. They can and do get emotions involved in a breakup, and can be vindictive. They may not move on in a matter of minutes or a couple of days. They could make your life a living Hell and may do all the lies that the scammer told you he would do and didn't. I'm thinking of Sam Kinison's comedy act here, screaming about marriage. ;)
So, is getting naked on webcam ok with them? Think hard. Then, file that in your, "Homie Don't Play That," folder in your frontal lobe.

I happen to think it is never ever safe to do that with anyone, known or unknown.
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby duckhunter » Tue Nov 04, 2014 6:51 am

^^ This!
"It is good to see what is beautiful, but you must also observe the ugly things ... you must be awake to everything ... you must be exposed to things which you don't quite understand, for the more you ponder over these matters which may be difficult for you, the greater will be your capacity to live richly." Krishnamurti.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Ruffled Feathers » Wed Nov 05, 2014 1:44 am

Hi random314
Your question is correct...how do you know if you have been scammed by nudity --- that is a very difficult question to answer, however it is how you feel, not the judgement of others and/or the scam. Whether you paid your scammer is neither here nor there, it is how you feel and the steps to recovery you are taking.
Your most interesting point is mentally healthy people do not get caught up in a scam --- want to bet??? Many of us are caught in scams every day, only we do not realize it, the scammers reported here in this forum, they know the soft spot to hit in his victim and goes for it. Once he has found that spot, the manipulation takes place. We are not stupid people, we are human, HOWEVER, the scammer knows where and how to get us to obey to his/her requests, and it is easy to be trapped.
You can allow yourself to be wounded, but you can also allow yourself the recovery time, the wounds heal and the scammer slinks off into the night to try his luck for money with someone else. It all revolves around the humiliation and how much money they can get out of you before YOU realize it is a scam. When you do not pay you are of no use to the scammer. They go onto the next victim and forget you even exist because you opted not to pay.
I wish you well in your recovery and thought process and go forward with your life.
RF
A scammer is only as good as the fear he creates.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Tue Dec 02, 2014 8:32 am

How long will it take to get over this scam? What should I do to recover faster?
We hear this all the time, so I guess it's time to say a bit on that subject.

Input wanted! How are YOU recovering? What helps YOU??



How victims recover varies from person to person. Many things influence a scam victim's coping skills that affect the time and quality of their recovery.
Age, culture, family upbringing, religious views, prior life experiences, their own feelings of self-worth and mental balance, their own social strength and resiliency, family or friend's support, and other factors all play a role.

Regardless of the factors involved, the only way that a victim recovers is to have desire to recover and put forth their own effort into coping and changing, and making themselves stronger for the efforts. Victims will never forget their experience but they can and do get stronger if they truly try to and do not lie to themselves. You need to be totally honest with yourself.

We have many members who have already talked about "How I got myself into this mess and how I'm fixing things" in our pages. Some are here in this topic, and others are spread around the forum, a few in "Tell Your Story Here."
There you can also read the staff's stories of how and why we got into helping scam victims here at ScamSurvivors.
viewforum.php?f=7

I'll just tell you about how a few members here worked at recovery.
These are just a few of the things that others have done in order to put the scam behind them and move forward in a constructive way.

Some members have been interviewed about their scam in order to help other victims, a few in our podcasts and others for newspapers or other media.

We have two staff members who were past scam victims. They started learning about scammers and posting their details for others to be warned, and later working one-on-one with scam victims, both becoming part of the staff eventually. Helping other victims in a direct sense helped both of them recover. This is not a usual way for 99.999% of people, as the time and effort required to learn and perform this crazy job is only for lunatics like the staff.
However, getting yourself educated to the UpsideDown World of lying scammers will help you recover too. Scammers win over you if you believe their lies and their threats about what they will do. Read and learn how they operate, and maybe you can laugh with us at a few of them like we do in our podcasts.
Laughter is the best medicine. Go listen to the podcasts, where you will not only get an education in how scammers work, how victims recover, and what anti-scam people do to fight them, but you get to hear the staff and friends make asses out of ourselves playing silly characters on the phone to scammers.
But they look sillier and stupidier in the end than we do, I hope! :)
http://scamsurvivors/podcasts

A couple other people from our forum help directly in other ways. Some post up scammer emails, profiles, and other details as they come across them. One member cruises the Skype forum and sends blackmailed victims here for help.

Some members educate others of the dangers of scammers after being scammed themselves, and spread the word. They make blogs or websites, post in forums, or tell people face to face.

Some have realized that they have some sort of underlaying issues that may have made the scam easier to fall for the scam such as mental issues or addictions (drugs, alcohol, gambling and thrill seeking, cyber-sex addiction) and have sought help for that, as they can hurt recovery and possibly lead to being scammed again if they do not solve that problem.

Some members have found that they were hooked on FB or the online world so much, that they lost touch with the real world outside their pcs. Getting back to doing things other than pushing keys and clicking buttons have helped many get over the scam. It's amazing what a trip to the zoo will do for you. Or getting back to an old hobby or activity you used to like, but somehow lost touch with because you holed yourself up in front of your screen too many hours.

Some members have volunteered in community groups or charities, and given their time to help others in other ways.

Many survivors here take the time to post in this topic or in others to make a recent victim feel less alone, or to suggest a solution that worked for them to put the scam behind them.

What do you do to recover? We would like to hear about it. :)
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Hodor » Thu Dec 11, 2014 12:45 pm

I'd like to share what I did (and still do) to recover:
- Keep in your mind that you are a survivor, and not a victim.
- Try to see the good side of the things: being scammed made me feel stronger and wiser.
- Surround yourself with the ones you love and trust.
- Spend less time online, and use that time to do other things you like, or to take up new hobbies. Yoga for example.
- I wasn't that religious before the scam, now I am. It gives you strength and something to believe in.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby ianmut1 » Wed Dec 31, 2014 11:32 pm

Thanks for this article we should all stick together and help eacother recover. Very well written.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby ianmut1 » Thu Jan 01, 2015 2:57 am

I can't thank you enough for your help. You admins saved me I'm glad God led me to your website. This was an unpleasant experience but, it made me a stronger and smarter person. Once again thank you and the people who have shared their stories. Its going to be hard to get over this but we will all recover and keep moving forward.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Redfaced » Sat Jan 03, 2015 10:23 pm

G'day All,
Well it's been 24hrs since the same thing that has happened to 1000's of others happened to me.... blackmail by cam. No excuses I was just stupid to put myself in that situation. I have paid nothing and so far nothing has been posted so far, as I reflect on the worrying and sickness in my stomach I had when I realised what had happened, I think why? What is the worst that happens, a link gets posted and your family or friends may click on and see you in a private moment, a moment that millions of men do everyday around the world. The biggest thing I can see ( and I may be wrong ) is just embarrassment! the video if it surfaces will get flagged and removed and we become the butt of jokes for a while from people we know. One clip on the internet if it gets there amongst billions of clips is nothing and will soon be lost or deleted.

I'm thankful for this site and the people who run it as it has a lot of information and can give you a sense of relief in some way as you see that most outcomes are favourable if right steps are taken. For me I found this site after I had done steps but still used a couple that were of use. The steps I used are along the same lines but I thought I would share some things that may be useful.

- First I kept them talking up their threats while I changed passwords etc in the background, after I had changed I ended the conversation, blocked them and then got the online Skype help to delete my account. I can always create another if I need too. The problem I had with doing this right away was I lost all my information on the scam name etc to share with others.
- with my Skype account I had no links to any other online sites and I never had my address, phone number, email address etc filled out. All my friends would have these anyway so no point posting them there to be found.
- I changed photos on online sites I had posted
- I deactivated facebook for now and will change names and photos when I jump back on in a few weeks.
- I never went onto any links they sent.

So of this morning my phone has not rung hot with messages or calls saying I am an internet celebrity :lol:
My email has not been bombarded and the google alarm has not been activated.

I am not saying I am in the clear but getting the first 24hrs out of the way has been good and I slept well.
Too those of you who find yourself in the same situation try not to panic although it is hard not too and go through the right steps.
Remember really the main word here "Embarrassment" I think most friends and family would have a laugh.

Thanks again too the site admin for their work.

Thank You
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby ianmut1 » Sun Jan 04, 2015 7:16 am

Thank you for sharing. everything will be ok mine happened last week. I regret my mistake deeply and It will take a while to recover. But, this website will help me and you recover and all the other survivors.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby jhondo » Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:02 am

same as every one, it happened to me... so foolish.. but what can I do... any way, maybe it's to soon but probably and hope that my scammer moved on, basically, the scammer didn't show me any link nor FB friend list or skype freinds, just show me a couple of sec (think like 15-20 sec) of my video during the skype call and that's it. First, hi asked me to register and "vote" to his site and then he will delete the video, so stupid of me but I did it (I cancelled all users in all website after the call..) put my credit card and everithing a couple of web sites... afterwards he said ok, 200$ and we are done. My luck was that western union didn't work for me.. otherwise who knows.... When I figured it's not working, i told my scammer and he got mad that it was cancelled. I told him that I'm on the phone with the police and that I have his name (he gave me some name for the western union transfer) and that the police will trace him down etc. etc... He didn't relly care and all the time just kept saying that he is going to ruin my life first and the counted the % of the uploading to the social media.. 1% 20%, 26, 50%... etc. etc.. I kept telling him that blackmail = Jail and that I talked to the police and was apathic to hime, my responses summrized to: "fine". for every sentence he wrote down and he still didn't care... any way at the end when he reached with his count to 100% he said: "uploaded" and then his skype user went off line... at the same moment, I deletet him, blocked him, deactivate my FB, and set up a google alert... no video so far and probably he can't even try contact me (for my luck I didn't use my real details in skype user) and it's been 6 days now. The first 2 days were hard! I couldn't forgive my self for doing that, but now, I feel so much better and barely think about it, I hope that no video will come out in the future (and guessing that no video will come out as compared to 99.999999% of the cases, why would they keep it?) and even if so, which social media accepts sex videos these days? You tube? Facebook? so I think and hope that I have nothing to worry about.

I would love to hear what you gus think of my story?
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