recovery and reassurance

[jjj]

thanks for the amazing article! i just wanted to know from your experience guys, did anyone have his/her video shared on Facebook or anywhere else???

[firefly]

igotscammeddutch,

glad to know our site was able to help you. The power to recover after such an incident is in every one of us and no matter how much time it will take any victim become a survivor. Learn from this experience and dont forget to be careful online. The internet is just another world with different rules and you are the only one who can decide which people you met online can have your trust or not.


jjj,

if you protect yourself proper and the scammer can not find you again, soon he will move on to the next victim. In most of the cases, the scammers dont even keep the records with the victims, after the victims seen it and refusing to pay.

[SlapHappy]

Thoughts from an Anonymous Survivor that I thought might help others:

Hey Guys,

first of all, im so happy that I found this website! Cause ye, it also happened to me. When I realised it, I felt empty. I knew that talking will help, but I could not manage to talk with my friends or family about that yet..later then I will, but now I can't manage to..
I knew that the Internet is dangerous, but I just knew it from hearing. When it happened I realised how it makes us vulnerable.. I rarely used face book and sometimes I was thinking about deleting it.. At least these thoughts are over now, I did it. I already see the positive out of that. If this would not have happened to me, I would deal with the internet completly different. I always thought I used the internet carefully enough.

So, I did a huge mistake.. I wish I never would have done this.. But ye, I cant change the past, so I have to live with it and do my best out of this Situation.. I hope that once I can look back to this point and see it as a huge lesson.
Im not already over yet, to the contrary, I'm making many thoughts about this or that. It still bothers me. But I'm quiet sure that this mistake will make me stronger if I get over this.

“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.”

[SlapHappy]

I thought this recent post by carbon14 was so good, I've decided to post it here, too, with our responses. I'm sure many more people will read and be helped by it by re-posting.

Blackmail: STAY CALM, you are not alone (comprehensive read)

by carbon14 » Mon Feb 17, 2014 11:44 am
Hi everyone,

I was blackmailed/extorted last week in the early mornings of February the 12th and after going through what was truly the most horrifying experience of my life, I just want to share my experience here and contribute what I can to prevent further people from being scammed.

I met the girl (details at bottom) on face book after she added me on the 4th of Feb. We chatted on the 11th for the 1st time (she messaged me first). The chatting didn't last too long nor go too deep to be honest, it was mostly shallow conversation like where are you from, what do you do etc. The person did seem sort of preoccupied though, not messaging me with 100% focus like in a normal conversation. After about 20 minutes of sporadic chatting I asked her why she added me and she said she liked me and that she wanted to have sex with me (perhaps I was a desperate fool) and asked me if I had skype so we could use the webcam. So we moved to skype. I was really skeptical at first and a little worried. I was hesitant to start my webcam and asked the person to start hers first. After seeing her though (low resolution - most likely wasn't the same person in the pictures on her face book) I let my guard down and turned on my webcam as well. She started taking her clothes off and things went pretty fast from there. After about two minutes on the webcam, she turned off her webcam and told me to hold on because her mom was coming into her room. After about 3 minutes or so, the skype messaged blinked. She had posted a huge list of links to a lot of my family and friends on face book. I knew at that moment that I was truly screwed. My heart started racing, things started to feel fast at that point. She asked if I knew them several times and I did not want to answer. Eventually I did and she posted a youtube video of me. I completely broke down. I started clawing at my head and whimpering in desperation. I pounded the sides of my face with both hands in shock, disbelief, intense despair, and complete and utter fear. After that, I composed myself and resumed talking to her to see what I could do. Here's a part of the conversation that happened:

***********************************************************************
[2:11:19 AM] kathryn chua: DO YOU KNOW THEM ALL?
[2:11:56 AM] XXXXXX: what about them
[2:12:11 AM] kathryn chua: THATS YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON face book RIGHT?
[2:12:18 AM] kathryn chua: NOW WATCH THIS FOR ME
[2:12:20 AM] kathryn chua: <youtube link>
[2:12:36 AM] XXXXXX: ok
[2:12:40 AM] XXXXXX: what do i need to do to take it off
[2:12:40 AM] XXXXXX: please dont
[2:12:40 AM] kathryn chua: LOOK! I GOT YOUR VIDEO m***urbating FOR ME
ON CAM AND YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS LIST
[2:12:51 AM] kathryn chua: ACTUALLY
[2:12:58 AM] kathryn chua: YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING
[2:13:25 AM] kathryn chua: COZ I AM REALLY GOING TO SHARE THIS RIGHT NOW
[2:13:26 AM] XXXXXX: please dont spread it
[2:13:28 AM] XXXXXX: please dont
[2:13:33 AM] XXXXXX: tell me what i have to do
[2:14:06 AM] kathryn chua: WELL IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO DELETE IT
AND STOP ME FROM SHARING IT THEN YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING IN FAVOR OF
ME
[2:14:08 AM] kathryn chua: YOU MUST PAY ME
***********************************************************************

After talking for another 30 minutes, I agreed to do as she said. She gave me the details and instructions, all the while continuously threatening me, saying that deleting her on face book won't be any use because she will msg my friends on face book if she loses contact with me. She gave me till 11am the following morning to arrange the payment. After staying awake the whole night in complete despair, I went to work the next morning and went out for 2 hours to arrange everything. I eventually figured out the whole payment process after going through multiple Western Union branches and sent USD 5000.00 to the person.

Yes, USD 5000.00. I was extremely, extremely scared. I couldn't risk the video being sent to my colleagues (whom were on the face book list she posted). My fear told me that it would've destroyed my family because I work in our family business and I don't think I could've lived with myself if my parents found out. They are extremely conservative and very morally principled. Had the scandal leaked out I would've feared the worst, that my parent's reputation and the company's reputation would be ruined, they would lose face and simply give up the company or something. One of my parents could have committed suicide (he/she is prone to depression easily and is an extremely pessimistic and somewhat emotionally frail person). I had actually read the pdf on this website earlier that morning to see what I could do but I gave in to my fear anyways. What if that person really did spread it after I blocked it like the scamsurvivors told me to? I couldn't take that chance. No, I would have rather risked paying the money and rely on any ounce of humanity that the scammer had in him/her to keep his word and promise. Here's more of the conversation and many of the lines she used to instill fear into me:

***********************************************************************
[2:14:31 AM] XXXXXX: you wont spread it if i pay you?
[2:15:07 AM] kathryn chua: WELL I AM ALWAYS KEEPING MY WORDS WHEN I
SAY IM GOING TO SHARE IT I AM REALLY GOING TO SHARE IT AND WHEN IM
GOING TO DELETE IT I AM REALLY GOING TO DELETE IT
[2:15:17 AM] kathryn chua: SO IF YOU CANNOT TRUST ME BY THIS THEN WE
CANNOT SETTLE ANYTHING
***********************************************************************
[2:17:37 AM] kathryn chua: AND THERE'S ALOT OF WAY OF PAYING ME THE
THING IS YOU HAVE TO PAY 5000USD !! COZ YOU HAVENT GOT ANY CHOICES BUT
TO PAY IT
***********************************************************************
[2:22:58 AM] XXXXXX: do i have your word on this?
[2:23:01 AM] XXXXXX: if i honor the deal
[2:23:08 AM] XXXXXX: how do i know it wont appear ever again
[2:23:23 AM] kathryn chua: if you already send the money they will
give you a receipt have MTCN, SENDER'S NAME and the AMOUNT you need to
give me that all info so my auntie can get the money okey
[2:23:34 AM] kathryn chua: im always keeping my word
[2:23:39 AM] kathryn chua: if you really keep your word
[2:23:42 AM] XXXXXX: how many people have you done this to
[2:23:50 AM] kathryn chua: and beside we can't settle this if you
don't try to trust me
[2:23:55 AM] XXXXXX: i understand
[2:24:00 AM] XXXXXX: but i need some reassurance
[2:24:10 AM] kathryn chua: we never end this conversation if you not trust me .
[2:24:18 AM] XXXXXX: ok fair enough
[2:24:39 AM] kathryn chua: just keep your word
***********************************************************************
[2:27:28 AM] kathryn chua: so goodluck
[2:29:10 AM] XXXXXX: ok
[2:29:19 AM] kathryn chua: AND ONE MORE THING
[2:29:29 AM] kathryn chua: REMEMBER I HAVE THIS
[2:29:30 AM] kathryn chua: FAMILY
***********************************************************************
[2:29:34 AM] kathryn chua: THE LIST OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
[2:29:36 AM] XXXXXX: understand
[2:30:05 AM] kathryn chua: SO EVEN IF YOU DELETE ME ON face book I
STILL HAVE THAT SO I CAN STILL SHARE IT
[2:30:07 AM] kathryn chua: SO GOODLUCK]
[2:30:26 AM] kathryn chua: SO BETTER KEEP ME IN
[2:31:37 AM] kathryn chua: AND I HOPE YOU REALLY UNDERSTAND .
***********************************************************************
[2:45:32 AM] kathryn chua: YOU WILL LIVE IN A PEACEFUL LIFE . BUT IF
YOU DONT PAY .. EXPECT THE WORST I ASSURE YOU THAT
***********************************************************************

After I paid, the person demanded another USD5000.00. After the second demand, I told my friend about my situation. I also went onto the live chat here and talked to Firefly and after many questions and reassurances from Firefly, I decided to trust scamsurvivors.com, educate myself with all the important links, and follow through with the instructions here. I proceeded to delete/block the person on face book and skype, deactivated my face book, deactivated my linkedin as well, set up google alerts, and told two of my friends (one in a different time zone to mine) to do the same on google alert to keep a watch.

I have to say that this was my VERY first time doing such a thing on the internet. I've never done anything of this sort before and I never would've imagined myself to have fallen into such a situation. I honestly feel like the biggest f**king fool in the world because like most people here, I believe myself to be very intelligent and sensible, and all my friends would agree, and many would certainly be shocked by my behavior. Unfortunately that's not how things work I guess. It can happen to ANYONE so don't blame yourself for what happened. What happened was only meant to be a little fun that was supposed to harm no one but we got unlucky and ran into scammers.

I understand this is a long read but I hope that whoever takes the time to read this will gain from this, whatever stage you're at, whether you've been scammed already but not paid yet, whether you've gone through the ordeal and are looking for more closure, whether you know someone who's going through it, or whether you just happened to browse this by chance. I would like to close off with a few important points:


Take-home messages
1) CALM DOWN. You are not alone. Do NOT give in to your fear, that is how the scam works on you

2) Read through the website, use live chat and talk to the extremely helpful Firefly, Wayne, and Slaphappy

3) TRUST scamsurvivors with absolute certainty, no matter how strongly your doubts make you resist, and follow through what the procedures tell you to do: http://www.scamsurvivors.com/whatisablackmailscam.pdf

4) Read through all the stories, experiences and posts here to help you overcome this, especially the article on closure and the article on why scammers don't keep victim's records:
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=4509
viewtopic.php?f=20&t=12325

5) Don't blame yourself, what happened truly isn't your fault. Everyone can and will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them, to move on and become stronger.

6) I believe part of moving on also entails forgiving the scammer. I'm sure there are some truly, truly despicable people out there who have no morals and wouldn't give a second thought to the consequences of doing such a thing, but I also believe there are some people who are perhaps driven to do this out of dire and bleak political, economic, and social circumstances (and I think this may actually be a good and relevant topic for open discussion in this forum if there isn't already one). Don't let ill feelings harbor inside of you, there really is no point and it only prolongs the pain you have to endure.



THANK YOU!
Last but not least, I would like to express my heartfelt thanks to the team here at scamsurvivors for the immense help in dealing with this situation as well as easing my mind about the whole situation. It's been almost a week since this has passed and though the bad feelings still linger strongly, I know that I feel infinitely better than I would had I not found sanctuary within this community. Thank you Firefly, Wayne, and Slaphappy as well as everyone else involved in combating this growing problem.


===================== Scammer Profile =====================
Feedback form #978
What name did the scammer use?: Dianne Kate Chua (face book)
Scammer's email address if you have it.: no email
How old did the scammer say they were?: didn't say
Scammer's Skype username . THE NAME WILL HAVE NO SPACES IN IT.: kathryn.3031
Address of the scammer's face book, Google+ or other social media site page. Eg. face book.com/scammername.: https://www.face book.com/PrettyKath.30
What site did you first meet the scammer on?: face book
If they asked you to leave the site , where did they take you to?: skype
How much money did they demand?: USD 5000.00
Name you were told to send the money to. : Liza Jabar and Enrico Gonzales
What country/city were you told to send the money to?: Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines
How were you to send the money ?: Western Union
=======================================================================

Re: Blackmail: STAY CALM, you are not alone (comprehensive r

by Big Al » Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:11 pm
I agree with a lot of what you've posted except the fact the Scammers might have to do this out of desperation. I've seen too many instances where the Scammers have left people pennyless. They feel that even if they take your last penny that you can replace it tomorrow. We know that isn't the case. They will give a BS story that they have to scam to survive but it's just BS to get your sympathy.

(That'll be two more cents please)

===

Blackmail: STAY CALM, you are not alone (comprehensive r

by SlapHappy » Mon Feb 17, 2014 5:46 pm
carbon14,

Thanks for posting your story here. Many people who read this will feel a bit better because you took the time to post your thoughts here. I'm going to copy it over to the "Closure" topic as well, as that topic gets over 150 reads a day and will help many more.

If forgiving the scammer helps you to forget and move ahead, then please do. But realize that the scammer is not doing it because he is poor or in a bad way financially. They do it because they are unrepentant criminals. The vast majority always will be. And 99.99995% of scammers will never stop scamming until they are dead. If they are arrested and get out of prison later, they immediately start scamming again.
Of the 100,000 or so scammers that I have been in contact with or other anti-scam people have that I have read about, only 5 stopped scamming.

Big Al is correct in his comments about scammers. Scammers lie about everything and will say anything to get you to give them money. Nothing is too "low" to say to you for them. Out of 100 people, only 6 are antisocial that would even consider doing such a thing to others. The other 94 do not scam, regardless of how dire their circumstances are. Scammers choose to scam, and make up all kinds of rationalizations to try to justify it. Listen to podcast 3, if you want to hear the words coming directly out of the mouth of a scammer, trying to do just that to us who were playing "victims" to him. http://scamsurvivors.com/podcasts Scroll to #3.

Thanks again for your encouraging words, and generous accolades. Good luck in your recovery.
===

Re: Blackmail: STAY CALM, you are not alone (comprehensive r

by carbon14 » Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:59 pm
Sad indeed to know that these people really are truly despicable and without remorse. People like them have zero sympathy from me then. In a way, perhaps that's good, there will always be people who are bad to the core like that but that amount is hopefully minuscule overall, and that most people would never resort to such behavior.

And yes, please feel free to use my post in other areas of the website, I hope this helps people to really understand how these situations pan out and how to effectively deal with them.

Thanks, carbon14.

[Tommo997]

Hey!

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone here at Scam Survivors, it has been near on 2 months since I was scammed and having followed all of the recommended steps I haven't heard anything from my scammer again! I can get on with my life and things feel normal again!

I am hugely grateful for all the support, you volunteer your time to help others who have made some poor decisions online and I can't thank you enough!

Anyone reading this who has just been scammed, follow the recommended steps, they are there for a reason and they do work!!!

[Big Al]

^^^ We love success stories Tommo!! Thanks for dropping by while you were in the hood.

[Slydog123]

Hello,

I was scammed about 3 months ago. The name was J. Mendez and she was on a site called hi5.com sometimes it is called tag.com or tagged .com Her name there was Jane. I just wanted to say thanks to all the people who helped me through this time. The first 3 days are so nerve racking. But I just ignored the threats and followed all the steps provided in the website and I have not heard from them since I blocked them about 1-2 hours after the initial contact. I just wanted to let people know to take a breath, stay calm, and think. DO NOT send money!!! You will get through this. After about 2 weeks went by I barely thought about my scammer, after about 2 months I was back on facebook, and now after 3 months I am just hoping this site can educate to prevent scammers and that those who are scammed find some comfort here.

[Big Al]

Thanks for the report Dawg. We are glad that your life is back to normal. Stop by anytime to visit and help others if you are so inclined.

[GhostOg520]

I truly want to thank you guys here at SS. I'm on the road of closure and its not going to be a easy one. However I have forgave myself for my stupidity and also forgave the scammer because they are the low life on the internet watching people pleasure themselves. I'm not sure if I can come out and tell my friends but I have told my mother and girl and you guys may think she would leave but no we all make mistakes and she as her own too and I didn't do it to hurt her or try to cheat on her that was not my actions, I have another post on this. But truly guys thank you yesterday was hell for me and I know the few weeks to come is going to be ruff but I do see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. We can say this we learn from it and believe me I have learned so much in just a day. You always say that this will never happen to me but it does. All I can say is NEVER EVER go on webcam with someone you don't even know or share with people you don't know. You would think that would be a flag, but when things start going crazy good enjoying the moment you do stupid things. And no this is not I saying your stupid or I'm stupid nothing like that so never think your are dumb or anything for that matter like it was said this is not your fault you did nothing wrong everyone enjoys themselves once in awhile. I know I feel the way I feel because the video and pictures is not under my care I really don't give 2 cents if my friends and family seen my c*ck and you know what if my friends do say anything about the video or family I'll just be like what you watching me you pervert lol. Well this was just going to be a thank you but I just kept on talking may or may not make much sense but this truly helps and my thoughts are still clouded on why me. I know better and I wish I knew where my mind was. I feel as it was not even me that was doing this hard to explain but for real just feels as my body was taken over may sound crazy nuts but its true I know better than webcam with someone I don't know. Sorry guys for the rambling on it helps and again thanks can't say that enough.

[NewLight]

Accepting that things are going to be ok is the first step to your recovery. Just note that if you follow all the given steps you will be able to move on through life, with this just being a distant bitter memory. Try and stay strong, and find faith in whatever you are confortable with, keep following our steps and you will see that things will be ok.

Good luck on your journey.