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recovery and reassurance

This section deals specifically with online romance scams. The images used by the scammers are stolen from innocent people, usually from their social media pages.

Be strong and always think positive

Unread postby nevergiveup » Thu Aug 07, 2014 4:53 am

thanks..you guys help me a lot..light i learn all these things in hard way..but thank god i can slowly through all of this..it almost 48hours..before this i was freakin out and its like end of the world..after i try to take a time..read all of the post..doing all the steps..im glad i can through all of this..but i still have a little fear inside..its okay..everything gonna be fine..scammers always try to make us fear..dont trust any single words come from the scammers. all they says are lie. they will try to pressure you till the end.the best is silents. do not follow what the scammers want. and you gonna be fine. thanks to who make this page. its really help ppl a lot,even we are strangers and from other country. i will support all of you till last. be strong ad always think positive. its not the end of world. just keep living healty and no worries. everything gonna be fine. may god bless all of you.
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby Big Al » Fri Aug 15, 2014 11:33 am

A great quote from our member T-Reinert:
To anybody reading this who has only recently been scammed: I honestly think that there is absolutely nothing for you to worry about. Most people on this site have been through the exact same thing as you and know exactly how it is you feel, but do not stress yourself out over it. If you have followed the procedures (all of them) that the site gives you and simply break all forms of contact with your scammer than you will be okay. If these people actually gave a shit about ruining your life or making things difficult for you, then they would have done it in the first 48 hours. All these people want is an easy payday because they're too f***ing lazy to get a real job. If you don't give them what they want and you make it hard for you to be located, they will give up and try somebody else.

Trust the people on ScamSurvivors.com, they are good, nice and genuine people. They know what they are talking about and are here to help you. I went from being a nervous wreck to being (pretty much) completely recovered in less than a week because they gave me peace of mind and some great advice.
Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to share your story or what happened, we're all adults here and we all know what goes on in the deep end of the Internet.


viewtopic.php?f=20&t=25260

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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby T-Reinert » Mon Aug 18, 2014 10:50 pm

I stand by my statement too. It's been over a week and everything is okay and most likely will be. ;)
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Thu Sep 11, 2014 3:08 am

Getting rid of the fear starts with filling out the online form with all of the scammer details. Other victims need the details you have to be saved the pain as well. Go here and fill the form, ok?

http://scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
Read and then click the link at the bottom of the page. After you fill the form and Submit, you will be taken to the rest of the advice steps.

For that "romance scammer," make a NEWTOPIC in the Romance scams section with the scammer's email address as the subject, and post all emails from the scammer there. Any other details from chat, pictures, etc, that would be helpful for other victims to search for and find help here. viewforum.php?f=11

Drop her cold. Do not tell her you know she is a scammer!! Just keep her in the dark so others can find her here.
Read this too.
Reporting a Scammer's Profile or Email Address? Don't!
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=66948
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Why oh why

Unread postby random314 » Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:59 pm

Hi,

I just got scammed as most of you. It began in chatroulette and ended in skype. On the other side (I realise now) there was a footage of a girl, not a real girl. All signs were there but I didn't listen, so I ended up with the message 'I've recorded you...'.

Having worked in securing social networks (imagine that!) and giving advice on how to protect yourself online, I knew what to do: cut all contact and disable my online presence as much as possible (off all social networks, image networks, etc...). Meanwhile I told my wife, my friends and my family what has happened with as much detail as it was reasonable (I told the all story to my wife).

More than a week has gone by, and no contact from the scammer (he must not have tried too hard because it would be very easy to get my details online). No video either.

Now, much more at ease, I keep thinking how the event has changed me. I used to be the most trustfull guy online and now I'm covering my tracks and all this because some sick entity (guy/girl/whatever) decided to break my trust and tape me against my will.

I don't think the issue is the content itself but the fact that I was so trusting and got caught.

Why did I do that?
Why did I undress in front of a camera if I end up being ashamed of that?
What was I expecting from the experience (it was my first time video chating with a stranger)?

Those are my biggest doubts right know and they are driving me crazy.

(I was amazed on how exposed I was online, that I kept going on my quest of erasing my online presence!)
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Re: Why oh why

Unread postby SlapHappy » Mon Oct 06, 2014 9:39 pm

You just need to take a hard look at yourself, and not try to rationalize it. Read the entire closure topic. Maybe some of the other posts there will help you deal with it, learn from it, and move on with your life. Don't let a 10 min episode spoil the rest of your life. Get the thoughts out of your head, deal with them, and look ahead, not backwards after it's dealt with. Maybe your wife can help you out with that if you confide in her.
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
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Re: Why oh why

Unread postby random314 » Tue Oct 07, 2014 10:29 pm

Hi SlapHappy,

I'm ok with all the story. I did the right moves after being scammed and I'm hopping to get out without harm being done (no money exchange, no exposure).

What I'm reflecting about is why a mentally healthy adult (hopefully) gets into a situation that he won't be comfortable to have it exposed publicly. I'm a firm believer that we shouldn't do anything in any situation that we should be able to defend publicly and I fall into a trap like this.

just wondering... why does it fell so wrong to show up naked? Is it the nudity or the fact that it's a proof that we were scammed?
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Re: Why oh why

Unread postby SlapHappy » Tue Oct 07, 2014 11:25 pm

From what I have seen here posted and also chatting with victims, there is a wide variation in both "embarrassment" and "wrongness" of being scammed this way, and the ability to move from being a victim to a survivor. A lot depends on your upbringing, your religion and culture, your own mores, your own social circle, how you view yourself, and how you deal with your own failures and mistakes as you see them. Others may not think that it is as big a deal as you do right now in the early stages of recovery. In the podcast, Will's girlfriend was very supportive, and said, "Don't worry about it. It's
just something that lads do sometimes." Also, it seems the older survivors here recover quicker. Maybe it's because they have had the time in life to make other mistakes, and have better coping skills, or are more open with themselves in dealing with it.
Perfectionists with or without a high degree of religious belief may have a harder time forgiving themselves, dealing with the aftermath and moving on with life, as one example of someone who spins a long time and does not move on.
Sometimes the perfectionist thinking is stronger than the forgiveness aspect of their religion or how they think of themselves.
There are some guys who just don't care if their videos get posted, they do the steps anyway, and move on in an instant.
Most are in-between these types.
All seem to start to deal with the aftermath better AFTER they truly forgive themselves for making a mistake.
It helps a lot to have someone local, a family member, a friend, a therapist, anyone the victim can be open with to get their feelings out, so they can put it all behind them.
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby SlapHappy » Wed Oct 08, 2014 8:09 am

Does anyone else have input that they would like to post regarding random314's questions? Feel free to add your thoughts on how you dealt with them that might help him answer them in his own mind. :idea:
If anyone asks you for money on the Internet they are always a scammer, 100% of the time.
Blackmail Scammed? Go here: https://www.scamsurvivors.com/blackmail/#/
FAQ viewtopic.php?f=3&t=19
Victim of a scam? Go here: https://scamsurvivors.com/forum/viewtop ... =3&t=26504
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Re: Closure.When Will This End? How Do Scammers Think? pg13

Unread postby kob65green » Thu Oct 09, 2014 12:51 pm

I think SlapHappy is right that there are a range of different reactions survivors can have to this that feel morally or emotionally intense. For myself, I'm living in a socially conservative place, and I worried that if anyone saw my video, I might lose my job. I also felt some shame for getting nude in a chat since I am dating someone long-distance, and I felt embarrassment over the idea of friends seeing my body since I am out of shape and somewhat fat. I wasn't thinking logically, at first -- the chances that someone I know would randomly stumble onto that video were pretty low, and the chances that it would get from them to the point where it became a local scandal and I would get fired were even lower. (My scammer did briefly post it on YouTube.) But that's what the scammer thrives on, those first few hours when you aren't thinking logically, and you make the initial illogical decision to share personal information and video that includes both your face and your c*ck to a stranger, and then (he is hoping) you will make another illogical series of decisions to run out *right then* and pay them, sometimes an exorbitant sum of money. I did that too, and I was lucky that I missed a technicality with Western Union so that the money didn't go through. I got home, thought it over, and read some posts on this forum, and I decided I wasn't going to finalize the transaction until I had had a chance to chat with some experienced survivors. After doing that, I did not send the money, and so far so good. By that point, I was thinking with my logical brain instead of the emotional intensity of the moment. I'm pretty sure that's why the scammers seem to pressure people to send the money right away -- they know that if you take some time to think about it and get support, you are less likely to send the money.

In many contemporary cultures, there's shame attached to nakedness, and particularly being caught naked when you "shouldn't" be -- think of how often being caught naked or unwanted exposure of oneself happens in people's dreams. I think that cultural background can play a role on top of explicit religious or cultural attitudes. If you ask me, about someone else, do I think that getting nude on a chat with someone is wrong, I would say, of course not -- it might be dumb, if you don't know them, but it's not a moral issue to me. But when I saw my video, it hit that seemingly primal fear of being discovered nude, I think. It brought up all of those other sources of shame and fear that I mentioned which are specific to my situation.

Anyway, I hope that helps, random314 and others!
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